Anatomy of a Hookup

This post is not for asexuals. I repeat, not for asexuals. If any of you are reading this, please check out my other posts…now.

Hookups are in some way an important and necessary factor in the gay community. Well, to most of us anyway. Most guys that I know. And when it comes to man-on-man action, as opposed to heterosexual action, I think the need is amplified because of the availability of sex. Quite simply, hookups are commonplace in the gay community. They are part of gay subculture and have been forever. I don’t think anyone can dispute that. Most major cities anyways.

It’s sex. Just sex. Simple, or sometimes complicated, sex between two, or more, consenting adults. We’ve been having sex since the beginning of time and I’m sure there’s been homosexuals, to some degree, since Lil’Baby Jebus created whatever it is that he was suppose to have created. Just think, maybe there was some species of dinosaurs that showed signs of homosexuality. Boy, I hope soo. Well, I guess it all depends on what you’re into…and this is what I’d like to delve into in this blog topic. Ohhh and let it be known that I am not into gay dinosaur sex. There are no dinosaurs anymore.

I personally don’t believe there is anything to be ashamed of for participating in a casual hookup, or a casual fuck, or whatever you wish to call it. As long as you do it for the right reasons and are prepared for the consequences. For example, just because you see a hot guy on Grindr and he’s toey and needs a fuck and he’s everything you’ve ever dreamed off because he’s telling you everything you want, or need, to hear at that very moment – it doesn’t mean he’s going to fall madly and deeply in love with you because you were the hot fuck when he needed it. It can sometimes be considered a transaction. A much needed outlet. That’s it. Nothing more and nothing less no matter how you look at it. Yes, it’s a harsh reality and we’ve all most probably wanted something more from that hot fuck we had on that Friday night in September but in reality most of these phone apps where we find these hookups were produced for one reason and one reason only…exactly that.

…and while I do complain about them, thank fuck we have them, right? For that hookup/casual sex reason.


Gone are the days where you meet your one-and-only (mostly) in a local bar, or you’re asked out on an actual date before sex or the days where you need to be completely discreet because being gay makes you somewhat of a target. Yes, of course there are exceptions to the above. But lets face it, most of us have sexual needs that need to be fulfilled. I know I do. And sometimes your hand or that dildo that lives in your top drawer just doesn’t do the job. There’s nothing like the real thing.

But what makes hookups interesting to me is the scenarios in which guys set them up. A casual hookup can be a way for you to explore your fantasies. A way for you to explore your dark side. Or maybe you’d like to explore something you’ve never considered before until now. Would you like to be dominated? Would you like to try pissing on someone or even being pissed on? Would you like to be fucked anonymously? Or try bottoming for the first time? And this is the exciting thing – some random, no matter where you find him, will live out that fantasy with you and generally without any judgement. And if there is any judgement who cares, he’s just a random and you may never see him again.

They are a way for us to discover what turns us on and what gets us going. It’s an important factor of us learning who we are as sexual beings. Right?

Hookups can also go completely wrong. Ohhh soo very wrong! But through every failure we learn something new about ourselves, therefore every failure can ultimately become some sort of success [even if we can’t see it at the time] and I guess it can be said about casual hookups as well as relationships…But lets not discuss relationships, lets just talk sex. Casual sex.

I know during one casual encounter I had a few years ago I was tied up. I remember the thought of it had me a little excited but ultimately I really didn’t enjoy the experience, therefore I know I don’t need to try it again. I don’t think. However, the thought of him being tied up and used does excite me. And through that encounter I discovered this.

Soooo many scenarios and locations go through my head when I think about how and where gays hookup and you only need to visit Cruising Gays and see them all no matter what city you’re parked in. Parks, cars, behind the tennis court, saunas, glory holes, in the woods, toilets, hotels, ovals, cruise lounges and the list goes on and on and on. But lets discuss a few of these and I’d love to hear what scenarios turn you on. Excited? I am.

I’ve had hookups where guys have not wanted to talk. Like seriously – no talking whatsoever. Front door unlocked and I’ve been instructed to be hard and ready for their arrival. Then it happens. Then by the time you place the amyl and lube back in your top drawer and turn back to thank him you hear the front door closing behind him. He’s gone. But to be honest, some of the time, this scenario can work. I hate small talk. Nobody that comes over to my place for sex really cares how my day has been or wants to discuss the weather. I get it. It’s just sex. Lets cut through the bullshit. We both know why you’re there.

I’m no saint. If you asked me the first names of the last ten guys I’ve had sex with I doubt I’d be able to tell you all of them. I doubt they could tell you mine either. And who knows if they’re telling you their real names? However, I could possibly tell you a mixture of their age [if they tell you the truth], location and what phone app I found them on and possibly a face picture. This is generally how I save them in my phone. I’m seriously crap with names – I’m aware of this and I find it easier to remember other details about them rather than their name…And not just an arse rating out of ten; one being the worst and ten being the best. Maybe I rate them in my phone, maybe I don’t. I don’t. No, I seriously don’t. Not anymore anyways. It’s stupid.

I’ve even heard of guys filming their casual encounters without the other guy knowing. I can’t imagine what that’s like. I’d hate for anyone to do that. But how easy is it for you to head to a guys house and have no idea, from the dim lighting, that he has his phone or a small camera set up in the corner of the room filming everything that’s going on. Playing it back during one of his daily rituals. Or maybe he uploads it to his XTube account for the world to see. Maybe that’s his hookup fantasy – being filmed. Or maybe you actually know and don’t care. Whatever gets you off. But play fair and have consent.

On the downside I’ve organised hookups in the past and a guy shows up at your front door and you have no idea who he is because he certainly doesn’t look anything like the guy in the pics that were sent via Grindr. You casually ask him who he is and he tells you that you’ve been chatting via Grindr (except now he’s 30 years older). Then there’s that horrible awkward silence and you think “should I just go ahead with it and reach for the light switch?” I certainly wouldn’t and haven’t – I send them packing. But then I guess it’s one of the chances you take from app sex.

Is this why most of us have a list of casual fuck buddy’s. It can be safer and you ultimately know what you’re getting.

I’ve also had the unfortunate event, on more than one occasion, of a guy coming over for a fuck but they have no idea, and you don’t know that they have no idea, about douching. One minute it’s all fun and games until that awful smell smacks you in the face and you turn on your lamp and look down and there’s literally shit all over your cock and throughout your bed. I’ve even had guys tell me to not worry and to keep going – you can only imagine my disgust at that very thought. But to be fair most guys are horrified and usually clean up the mess faster than you can say “shit” and then they are outa there mortified. Then you’re guaranteed to receive an apology text five-minutes later and to never hear from them again. Thankfully most bottoms seem to be educated in the science of douching. Good Lord thank you Homo Jesus! Amen. Nobody likes a choc-top…Unless you’re at the cinema that is.

You could also be drinking in a club one Saturday night when suddenly you make eye contact with a hot guy on the dance floor. Next minute you head to the bathroom to relieve yourself and suddenly that guy from the dance floor appears next to you pretending to take a leak but is just checking out your dick and giving you that smile. Next minute you’re both holed up in the cubicle fucking. Then you head back to your friends as if nothing ever happened. Hot, right?

We’ve all had car sex, yes? The night when both your places aren’t available and one of you drives to the others location and you fuck in your car? Or does he just suck you off? Ohh the limited space in the back seat but the sexual need for it out weighs the limited leg room. Lets just hope you have leather seats.

Then there’s outdoor sex. Most guys get off on this due to the excitement of possibly getting caught. There’s cruising areas in most cities where you can have casual anonymous sex with most of the guys cruising about – you just give each other the look and then head into the bushes and wham bam thank you man!

Everyone is oh soo quick to make judgement on guys who have casual sex. Whether or not it’s because they don’t have the confidence to do it themselves or they just find it filthy. Or maybe they just aren’t into the casual thing. Whatever it be no judgement should be cast. Sex is fun. Sex is suppose to be enjoyed. It’s pleasurable. As long as you’re not breaking any laws (cough, cough, I think sex in public places might be against the law guys – as I suddenly hide in shame) and you’re careful and get tested regularly (I get tested every 2-3 months at least) then have fun. But remember, and not to dampen your spirits, these locations and situations can be a breeding ground for STI’s. I’ve been lucky enough (and I’m as shocked as all of you, don’t worry!) to have never had an STI before and while they are not the end of the world these days nobody wants one. But STI’s are for another blog, another time, soon..

However, I imagine most of us have more casual encounters than what we share. Which is fine. It’s no-one else’s business. But remember, if he’s hooking up with you for a one-nighter or a one-quick-moment then it’s probably safe to assume he’s also hooking up with other guys on other nights of the week. No matter how great he tells you the sex is. Gay’s seem to thrive on the excitement of having multiple partners.

Be safe. Enjoy yourselves. Don’t judge each other. And most of all have fun.


6 thoughts on “Anatomy of a Hookup

  1. Straight boys experimenting have no idea about douching. So if I’m in doubt I don’t pull out. And what’s this about turning the lamp on? Do you have sex in the dark? I think technology gives us so much choice now sometimes it’s hard to decide. Not so long ago on a nice day at Obelisk beach the bushes were teaming with mean for miles. You could walk the trails and have all sorts of fun. A look and a grope was all it took to get things going. Now all the boys are glued to their phones going through their checklists and the bushes are like the saunas… not so much fun. But the apps have their advantages I think there is more talking and I have more guys coming back for more.
    Now I have to tell you lil baby jesus didn’t create anything….. he hung out with 12 blokes.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can totally relate to all of what you say in your article… Except thankfully I’ve never experienced a choc-top moment. If you’re keen on a random hook up, so am I!


  3. Good Lord Shane (or lil baby Jesus for that matter) your life would appear to make mine look positively tame, & I thought I was somewhat of a deviant!?!
    Mercifully I’ve NEVER had one of those ‘undouched’ moments……car sex absolutely, but toilet sex……call me a romantic…….but pass!
    I would of just sent you a msg via Grindr….However I’ve deleted my profile & uninstalled the app. Whenever I do (as indeed I do for months at a time) the liberation, in fact relief, I feel is sheer exhilaration!
    Once again congrats on an excellent article has as I’ve stated in the past, it’s both instructive and educational to the younger guys & not so younger guys like myself :-/.
    Cheers mate


    1. Hi Matt,

      Thanks for the comments. I actually haven’t done all those scenarios & locations but I did my research. While I’ve done a few of them, and often found them exciting, I think it’s each to their own. Not everyone needs to experience those things but I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with experimenting.

      Keep following! 😉



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s