Kindr Gays – A Reality or Wishful Thinking?

First of all, I’ve had this post in mind for many..many..many..many months, if not a year, but I wasn’t too sure how to present it, discuss the issue [because it is an issue], or make it worthwhile for people to respond or even give it some actual-decent-thought – heaven forbid making an actual change to how we use these mobile applications (apps) that seems to be at the forefront of our [gay male] community. I use the term community loooosely, as I’ve always had a problem with our soo called community. We sure-as-fuck strive for equality, we’ve all seen, or been apart of, the protests, but practising it from within our community seems to be a different story. It’s almost, or actually is rather, double standards. I believe wholeheartdly in equality and I’m thankful we [as in Australia] have made a step in the right direction but we, as a collective whole, have such a long, long, long way to go. I do give thanks to absolutely everyone, past and present, who has contributed to this change but I’d like to see a change come from within the community itself, not just externally. It’s just as important…sometimes we need to look within before looking outwards.

But then I deleted the main app [Grindr] and forgot all about this post. But, and there’s always a butt in there somewhere, it just soo happens I downloaded the stupid app once again last week and this post again came to the forefront of my it’s time I wrap it up and post it while I throw this beautiful Villa Maria Sauvignon Blanc [highly recommend] down my throat on this beautiful Saturday afternoon in Melbourne.

After fighting the urge for a few days I logged into Grindr. I had been missing a gay connection and maybe, just maybe, I was horny. Once I logged in I saw some recent marketing messages from Grindr itself – which I usually just ignore and delete straight away – promoting something called Kindr. The word “Kindr” really stuck with me. I only looked at the message briefly and I didn’t click on any of the links, but it was the word that made an impact on me, which in turn told me almost everything I needed to know about the initiative – to make Grindr a more Kindr tool. I applaud this with a thousand claps from my fruitful and bare hands.

I’m yet to watch the below three videos in entirety. First, I want to get my point and views across before I watch them and share how we could all work at bettering ourselves, our fellow homos and our community – if this is even possible. There’s fundamental problems with the users of these apps, I dont think it’s fair for us to blame the app itself or the developers – that could just be seen as a blatant cop-out – it honestly solely comes down to us users – we are the ones who use these apps for multipe purposes. Mutilple reasons. And for mutliple things. We are the tough keyboard warriors that hide behind our online profiles treating each other with disrespect, inequality and non-human-like behaviour. We are the ones who should be blamed for each others selfconsciousness, insecurities and bad behaviour. Bad behaviour only breeds further bad behaviour. We learn from one another. We are the ones who are setting examples for the youth who are logging on everyday for the first time.

And it’s disgusting.

Long gone are the days when courteous behaviour, or simply saying no thanks, but thanks anyways and best of luck in your search were the norm. It saddens me to think, but it also infuriates me like no other. Rather than seeing each other for who we are – individuals who have potentially survived through difficulties and have faced obsticles in life (or still are) – we simply see each other as moving targets. Objects. We see these apps as play grounds. It’s seek or destroy. Yes, I’m the first one to say that destroying a hot arse is fun, but as long as the receiver is enjoying it also – not sitting on his bed, on the other end of the phone feeling shit because you’ve just made it your goal to destroy him because he didn’t have a photo on his profile and he’s messaged you saying a polite hi. Or he’s not listed in the acceptable and sought after ethnicities listed on your profile and he’s said a polite and friendly hi anyways. Destory! Some of you are like a fucking ugly beady-eyed-chiwawa with social problems. Again, it’s disgusting.

[Bottle #1 empty, I will now open Bottle #2].

The fact that you have a list of acceptable and preferable ethnicities and body types listed on your profile is a complete farce. You’re clearly a biggot. A racist, or just a complete fuck-face. The fact you’ll only talk, converse, meet, fuck, befriend or engage with certain ethnicities or body types is disgusting. And while I’m at it, what the fuck is with the No Asians stetement on profiles. But to be fair, from my experience I only remember seeing this when I was living in Sydney – which lets face it, is a “community” of it’s own. Instead of being open to meeting a wholesome, great, really nice guy, you guys seem to only be looking for somone that fits within your tiny, superficial and judgemental box. To state that you’re not into an entire ethnic group I find strange.

What happened to the equality we’ve been striving for for sooo long?
Equal love?

Equal love

Ohhhhhhh that’s right, we only rallied for marriage equalitynot general equality. Now I’m with you!

Grindr, and all these other apps, seem to be exempt from everyday rules, or social guidelines – the social etiquete of our everyday life doesn’t apply to instances where it’s not face-to-face or when our identity can be somehow hidden or shielded in obscurity. It’s all now starting to make sense. People can’t see who I am on here [Grindr] so I can act and say whatever I like, even if it means ignoring, abusing, disrespecting or putting someone else down.

It’s not ok.

Now, it’s probably time to say that I’m not targeting everyone in this post. I’ve met a really small percentage of great guys on Grindr before I moved to the more approrpriate, apparently, Tinder. Before realising nobody actually talks on that flaky app. It’s a match! Then nothing. Nothing. Nothing. No spoken words. Nothing. Nothing. Unmatch. Gays are potentially the worst group of people when it comes to communication – we are simply unrivalled.

Let me say this, and I must state that this is only my opinion (it’s my blog after all!) – if you are conversing on Grindr, or the like, like you wouldn’t in a normal social environment then it’s safe to say it’s not appropriate. Don’t be a keyboard warrior – nobody, I repeat, nobody likes a keyboard warrior – dont you watch the news?!
Hate breeds off hate. Intolerance breeds off intolerance. Disrespect breeds off disrespect. Be the bigger picture, be the better person, lead by example. Make a change to how you see these apps, how you see the people on the other end of these conversations – they are real people with real feelings – and most of all, change how you use them. You never know what the person on the other end of that conversation is going through.
Also, let me add this – you are in no way superior to anyone just because you frequent the gym seven (7 – just in case you couldn’t read the word) days per week and request to only chat to other gym fit bodies on Grindr. You are in no way superior because of your job title. You are in no way superior because of your status. You are in no way superior due to your bullshit preferences. You are in no way superior due to your ethnicity. And you are certainly in no way inferior because you have a delusional case of superiority. You’re not superior. Remember equality – we’re all equal, right? Only you can change your behaviour, not some marketing campaing and not this blog – all we can do is bring your behaviour to your attention and tell you that it’s not acceptable. But you can change it.

[Begin Wine Rant] AND do not under any circumstance tell me you have the right to your freedom to express yourself with whatever type of behaviour you want because of the men and women before us who had to fight for our rights. They did not fight for our rights so you can hide behind an app and practice cunt-ish behaviour. People are not below you. Just because you put yourself on a pedestal, or you spend every free waking minute in the gym infront of a mirror taking selfies doesn’t make you’re more attractive or worthwhile. Pay attention. EQUALITY – what does this actually really mean? Everyone do yourself a favor – have a thought provoking conversation with yourself and think about it honestly. [End Wine Rant].

The suicide and mental health stats for the LGBTIQA community are alarming. We always state that the reasons behind these stats could be from non-acceptance from outside of the community, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that maybe, just maybe, some of it stems from within the community also. I recommend that everyone reading this post also reads the “Snapshot of Mental Health & Suicide Prevention Statistics For LGBTI People (2016)”. The stats are alarming. Worrying to say the least. But because I think some of you are probably lazy cunts and wont click on the link I’m going to write more about this in a future post and I’ll summarize and provide examples soon[ish]. [If anyone has anything they’d like to add in this future post please contact me].

I’m probably a prime example of how things can affect someone. I’ve made no secret of some of my issues and some of my mental health problems in the past, and I go into a lot more detail in the book that I’m currently writing. I’m very far from perfect but I do truly and wholeheatedly believe in equality. Treating people with the same amount of respect that you expect at work, in the street or in your everyday life is paramount if we are expecting social norms to somewhat improve and the acceptance of us – the LGBTIQA community – is more widespread. I would honestly say that the impact, and the bahaviour, of how gays treat and see each other within the community has affected me the same, if not more, than how the outside community has abused, mistreated and shunned me for actually being gay. Gays can be nasty. Real nasty. And I dont understand it – I never have and I never will. Just because you’re gay doesn’t give you the right to be a bitch. Guys have looked me up-and-down when I’ve walked into gay bars, turned their noses up and dismissed me because I don’t fit their requirements. I’ve spoken to guys in a club who have very blantently told me to come back when I’ve lost some weight and I’ve also had guys simply instruct me to fuck off! after I’ve started a conversation with them. I’ve also had one guy tell me that I looked way better in my photos than in real life after I slept with him and I was exiting his home. At what stage did it become ok to point out someones flaws {flaws that you create I might add – they might not see them as flaws} to make yourself feel superior. I’m now lucky. A year ago I would take all these nasty comments onboard and internalize them but thankfully today I don’t – I know I’m not fat, I have a bit of a stomach that I know I should work on as summer’s fast approaching but I still fit into my 30-inch waist shorts and my size small t-shirts and for once in my life I’m ok with myself. But who cares if I was fitting into size 38-waist shorts and wearing size large t-shirts. Would this make me a bad person or not worthy of your precious time?

Gays have a way of reeling you in, using and abusing you, and then spitting you out and disposing of you like trash when they’re done – or when someone better comes onto the scene. It’s awful behaviour. If each and every one of us can stop and think about how our actions might be interperated by the person we’re communicating with then things will start to improve. Like, really start to improve. And it starts with you!

Now…sit back, relax and watch the next three video’s and have a real, deep and honest think to yourself about how your actions, and how each and every one of us, can improve our society.


I also recently read the following quote online [in a drunkin state] and I think it’s somewhat appropriate so I wanted to share it;

The only person you can change is yourself. Stop expecting others to behave in a certain way. Rather than demand that others around you change, focus on changing yourself. You‘ll be happier and live a more fulfilling life this way.

I too will look at my own online behaviour. I will be more aware of how my behaviour might be interperated by the person that I’m communicating with and if in any way it’s not appropriate I trust you all will pull me up on it because as I’ve stated above – discrimination, intolerance and a lack of acceptance is still very much alive within our community – it’s just that not many of us are actually brave enough to talk about it. God forbid we critisize the gay community. [No need for a protest out the front of my house – none of you know where I live].

Until next time…play kindr peoples.

Love Shane xx

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